Mostly every girl DREAMS of their wedding day. Some of us have thought about it so much that we have even created a pinterest board with all of the ideas, colors, and dress attire that would be perfect for that special day BEFORE we were even engaged or let alone dating!
Then that "One day" comes and you finally get engaged and what is the first thing your mind thinks about? "I HAVE A WEDDING TO PLAN!!" You quickly start to do your research so you Google, you Facebook, and Pinterest, searching for ideas to make this day more magical then any other day you will EVER experience. But what about your fiancé? Has your time and effort turned into pure focus on the wedding instead of your marriage towards him?
The first week I got engaged and even weeks and weeks after I found myself starting to fall into this chaotic routine of wedding, wedding, wedding, and had forgotten about, my to-be husband, husband, husband. Next time you go on Google, search "wedding". You'll see that the only subjects, articles, or sites that come up with that name are all related to planning the ceremony, reception, or honeymoon. It is almost rare to see any focus about the true meaning behind the wedding you are planning.
Don't get me wrong, during the planning process it is very helpful to have articles like those mentioned above too, but my point is I believe it is so much more helpful to focus on who you are going to marry rather then how you are going to marry them.
I found myself spending nights, weeks, and even months making plans, jotting ideas, and deciding what to wear. It wasn't until my Fiance said something to me about the amount of time I was spending on wedding planning. Of course I argued back to him the fact that he was a man and simply didn't know how much actually goes into a wedding but, afterwards I realized what he was trying to tell me. I had been spending all of my free time wedding planning and hadn't been prioritizing him. That's when I realized that this road to "I do" could quickly become meaningless unless I focused on the true meaning, learning how to be a wife while at the same time learning how to truly love him.
For girls, this part in our life can become a true crossroad. We may face challenging days of feeling as if we are losing our family and signing ourselves away to another man instead of realizing that we are just embarking on a new adventure that was intended for us. When those thoughts come remember: you're not losing your family you are just gaining more of them!
For guys, this part in your life can become a true crossroad too. You could be secretly and silently overwhelemd with the thought of starting a family, being responsible for most of the money, leading your wife, and providing all of her needs plus the needs of your children (if that happens soon). For those men who haven't been raised under a father who provided or cared for you it may be easy to believe the lie that you won't be a good husband or father to your wife or children. When those thoughts come remember: You can do it IF you put your full heart and mind to it. Don't give up and give yourself time to grow.
I'm not going to lie, it was hard realizing and admitting that I was becoming anxiously obsessed with planning my wedding and making sure it was and is going to be perfect. I no longer wanted to spend my free time idolizing this outward "idea" of marriage. This idea that the beauty, décor, food, and people at the wedding were what I should be preparing for during my 9 month long engagement. Marriage should not be surrounded around the wedding but instead should be focused more on the communion of two people becoming one and promising to love each other forever.
Maybe some brides-to-be haven't gone through this or honestly already knew that too much focus on the fashionable accents of the wedding could actually be hurtful or harmful to your soon to be marriage. But I encourage those of you who are engaged or one day to be engaged to let the months prior to your marriage be more focused on learning how to be a wife and how to love your soon-to-be husband more than the planning of the wedding. Take time to talk to other couples about marital advice. Know your husbands likes and dislikes. Learn how to communicate better and to even talk about money! You have the ability to grow with another human being who is about to promise you HIS life forever too. Your not alone in your promise!
Spend quality time with each other to deepen you friendship. Get marital counseling to build a strong foundation. Talk, set, and be strong about your physical boundaries. You are headed into a holy communion made from God above with a person that is promising to walk besides you in sickness or in health, what a special promise.
Your engagement should be a time of growth and of asking God to, "Take out the negative thoughts or bad habits inside of me so I can be the spouse my husband or wife needs." Learn how to be selfless. Ladies, learn how to put him first. Learn how to trust him, how to follow and respect his authority and judgment without questioning or second guessing. Learn how to love him like he has never been loved before! Most of all, learn how to let him lead. Let him be the man God has created for you and just simply, let him be him. You are his wife, he already has a mom!
To the men, listen to your fiance and understand the transitional process she is going through. Be strong, patient, and confident in this love. Have fun and be you! Your wife-to-be said yes to marry you because she loves you and see's so much in you. Never let your insecurity (that men sometimes hide) sway you from how much she loves and believes in you.
This Road to I do can be an awesome journey. Let the adventure begin!
- Dominique Jack
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Dominique & Mason
While most 12 year old girls were figuring out what it meant to be a girl like trying to find objects and belongings to put in their purse or going through that embarrassing stage of sneakily shaving their legs behind their moms back or even putting on make-up on the bus ride to school, I was too busy in my room journaling what characteristics and hobbies my husband would have. I mean, that was the only way I could find him right? In a way I felt like writing about him made him more real and I knew he was out there, just didn't know where.
I grew up with parents who pastored a church and at the same time helped young men and women leave their life of drug and alcohol addictions to find hope in Christ. Not many 12 year old girls would pray for a husband who had been through a life of addiction and found God but I was raised seeing the power behind someone whose life was changed and I wanted to be apart of that.
So, my story starts with a promise, a promise to my parents and to God that I wouldn't date until my second year of College. I felt that if I waited and honored this promise that God would honor my hearts desires and bring my husband to me. It was not easy to keep especially in high school when you were marked you "cool" if you had a boyfriend and "uncool" if you played third wheel! The worst part was watching the guy I liked go for one of my own friends. You can imagine the journal entries and sappy love songs that came along with stories like that.
High school came and went and I was off to college and thats where Mason came into the picture. This blonde hair, blue eyed, 6'1, college basketball player, who majored in Church Leadership caught my eye but honestly not my attention. I still had a year of waiting to go and didn't want to get caught up in any other promises other then the one I made with God.
The only thing I was open for was a friendship not only from Mason but from any guy on campus. As other men tried to pursue me God spoke to me clearly that the man he had for me would pursue me differently, calmly, and just as I needed in this season. You see through out the years of waiting I had come across guys who I had wanted to promise myself to, "Maybe when I'm 18 we can rethink this relationship" I would tend to say, which sadly left hope for many. I saw those closed doors as a punishment instead of a plan. A plan that was leading me to the write door. I became scared of love and scared that I would never find the right door to walk through.
Thats how I knew it was Mason. I knew Mason was the one God had for me the fourth month of knowing him. He didn't push or persuade me to talk, to vent, or to hang out. He knew there was a wall of fear in my life and was patient enough to slowly break it down. He had all the qualities I had asked for in a man including the lifestyle of someone who was transformed from a life of drugs and alcohol but found Christ. His quietness intrigued me and that was it!
Later on in our friendship Mason opened up to me about the promise he had also made the year before he met me. He promised God that for the next two years of his life he wouldn't date just so he could draw closer to God.
In the middle of both our promises to God we found each other and ironically enough both of these promises ended at the same time. With much excitement and respect for my parents, the following November he asked my dad if he could date me and then 2 Novembers after that, they sat down again and he asked my dad if he could marry me.
Today we are now on the road to Marriage all because we listened to God when he said "WAIT along with listening to him when He said "GO". Timing is really everything. Doors open and close for a reason. Sometimes they close for good and sometimes they are creaked open, allowing you to only peek through to see what could possibly be next. You can ask anyone and the hardest part is discerning Gods timing through situations like this. Though I do not have all the answers I have stumbled upon this thought,
"Every bump in the road has the ability to make you stronger. Every door has the ability to stay open or close. We are all living beings who through mistakes have become wiser. We are sons and daughter who've been given the chance to stay planted or grow."
College Days 2011 Engaged 2014
I grew up with parents who pastored a church and at the same time helped young men and women leave their life of drug and alcohol addictions to find hope in Christ. Not many 12 year old girls would pray for a husband who had been through a life of addiction and found God but I was raised seeing the power behind someone whose life was changed and I wanted to be apart of that.
So, my story starts with a promise, a promise to my parents and to God that I wouldn't date until my second year of College. I felt that if I waited and honored this promise that God would honor my hearts desires and bring my husband to me. It was not easy to keep especially in high school when you were marked you "cool" if you had a boyfriend and "uncool" if you played third wheel! The worst part was watching the guy I liked go for one of my own friends. You can imagine the journal entries and sappy love songs that came along with stories like that.
High school came and went and I was off to college and thats where Mason came into the picture. This blonde hair, blue eyed, 6'1, college basketball player, who majored in Church Leadership caught my eye but honestly not my attention. I still had a year of waiting to go and didn't want to get caught up in any other promises other then the one I made with God.
The only thing I was open for was a friendship not only from Mason but from any guy on campus. As other men tried to pursue me God spoke to me clearly that the man he had for me would pursue me differently, calmly, and just as I needed in this season. You see through out the years of waiting I had come across guys who I had wanted to promise myself to, "Maybe when I'm 18 we can rethink this relationship" I would tend to say, which sadly left hope for many. I saw those closed doors as a punishment instead of a plan. A plan that was leading me to the write door. I became scared of love and scared that I would never find the right door to walk through.
Thats how I knew it was Mason. I knew Mason was the one God had for me the fourth month of knowing him. He didn't push or persuade me to talk, to vent, or to hang out. He knew there was a wall of fear in my life and was patient enough to slowly break it down. He had all the qualities I had asked for in a man including the lifestyle of someone who was transformed from a life of drugs and alcohol but found Christ. His quietness intrigued me and that was it!
Later on in our friendship Mason opened up to me about the promise he had also made the year before he met me. He promised God that for the next two years of his life he wouldn't date just so he could draw closer to God.
In the middle of both our promises to God we found each other and ironically enough both of these promises ended at the same time. With much excitement and respect for my parents, the following November he asked my dad if he could date me and then 2 Novembers after that, they sat down again and he asked my dad if he could marry me.
Today we are now on the road to Marriage all because we listened to God when he said "WAIT along with listening to him when He said "GO". Timing is really everything. Doors open and close for a reason. Sometimes they close for good and sometimes they are creaked open, allowing you to only peek through to see what could possibly be next. You can ask anyone and the hardest part is discerning Gods timing through situations like this. Though I do not have all the answers I have stumbled upon this thought,
"Every bump in the road has the ability to make you stronger. Every door has the ability to stay open or close. We are all living beings who through mistakes have become wiser. We are sons and daughter who've been given the chance to stay planted or grow."
College Days 2011 Engaged 2014
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