Mostly every girl DREAMS of their wedding day. Some of us have thought about it so much that we have even created a pinterest board with all of the ideas, colors, and dress attire that would be perfect for that special day BEFORE we were even engaged or let alone dating!
Then that "One day" comes and you finally get engaged and what is the first thing your mind thinks about? "I HAVE A WEDDING TO PLAN!!" You quickly start to do your research so you Google, you Facebook, and Pinterest, searching for ideas to make this day more magical then any other day you will EVER experience. But what about your fiancé? Has your time and effort turned into pure focus on the wedding instead of your marriage towards him?
The first week I got engaged and even weeks and weeks after I found myself starting to fall into this chaotic routine of wedding, wedding, wedding, and had forgotten about, my to-be husband, husband, husband. Next time you go on Google, search "wedding". You'll see that the only subjects, articles, or sites that come up with that name are all related to planning the ceremony, reception, or honeymoon. It is almost rare to see any focus about the true meaning behind the wedding you are planning.
Don't get me wrong, during the planning process it is very helpful to have articles like those mentioned above too, but my point is I believe it is so much more helpful to focus on who you are going to marry rather then how you are going to marry them.
I found myself spending nights, weeks, and even months making plans, jotting ideas, and deciding what to wear. It wasn't until my Fiance said something to me about the amount of time I was spending on wedding planning. Of course I argued back to him the fact that he was a man and simply didn't know how much actually goes into a wedding but, afterwards I realized what he was trying to tell me. I had been spending all of my free time wedding planning and hadn't been prioritizing him. That's when I realized that this road to "I do" could quickly become meaningless unless I focused on the true meaning, learning how to be a wife while at the same time learning how to truly love him.
For girls, this part in our life can become a true crossroad. We may face challenging days of feeling as if we are losing our family and signing ourselves away to another man instead of realizing that we are just embarking on a new adventure that was intended for us. When those thoughts come remember: you're not losing your family you are just gaining more of them!
For guys, this part in your life can become a true crossroad too. You could be secretly and silently overwhelemd with the thought of starting a family, being responsible for most of the money, leading your wife, and providing all of her needs plus the needs of your children (if that happens soon). For those men who haven't been raised under a father who provided or cared for you it may be easy to believe the lie that you won't be a good husband or father to your wife or children. When those thoughts come remember: You can do it IF you put your full heart and mind to it. Don't give up and give yourself time to grow.
I'm not going to lie, it was hard realizing and admitting that I was becoming anxiously obsessed with planning my wedding and making sure it was and is going to be perfect. I no longer wanted to spend my free time idolizing this outward "idea" of marriage. This idea that the beauty, décor, food, and people at the wedding were what I should be preparing for during my 9 month long engagement. Marriage should not be surrounded around the wedding but instead should be focused more on the communion of two people becoming one and promising to love each other forever.
Maybe some brides-to-be haven't gone through this or honestly already knew that too much focus on the fashionable accents of the wedding could actually be hurtful or harmful to your soon to be marriage. But I encourage those of you who are engaged or one day to be engaged to let the months prior to your marriage be more focused on learning how to be a wife and how to love your soon-to-be husband more than the planning of the wedding. Take time to talk to other couples about marital advice. Know your husbands likes and dislikes. Learn how to communicate better and to even talk about money! You have the ability to grow with another human being who is about to promise you HIS life forever too. Your not alone in your promise!
Spend quality time with each other to deepen you friendship. Get marital counseling to build a strong foundation. Talk, set, and be strong about your physical boundaries. You are headed into a holy communion made from God above with a person that is promising to walk besides you in sickness or in health, what a special promise.
Your engagement should be a time of growth and of asking God to, "Take out the negative thoughts or bad habits inside of me so I can be the spouse my husband or wife needs." Learn how to be selfless. Ladies, learn how to put him first. Learn how to trust him, how to follow and respect his authority and judgment without questioning or second guessing. Learn how to love him like he has never been loved before! Most of all, learn how to let him lead. Let him be the man God has created for you and just simply, let him be him. You are his wife, he already has a mom!
To the men, listen to your fiance and understand the transitional process she is going through. Be strong, patient, and confident in this love. Have fun and be you! Your wife-to-be said yes to marry you because she loves you and see's so much in you. Never let your insecurity (that men sometimes hide) sway you from how much she loves and believes in you.
This Road to I do can be an awesome journey. Let the adventure begin!
- Dominique Jack
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